Brave New Hypocrite

For those of you who don't know (basically everyone who does not speak to my mother on a regular basis), we've made the difficult decision to send Eddie back to private school this fall. We never expected to change our minds about homeschooling, but I am confident that the right choice was made. And now for a moment of silence.

Basically, he has become a giant ball of clingy fury since summer started. We changed churches over the summer and made a few other changes, and it's just more than he can handle. Plus he misses his friends and teachers. He thrived in preschool. We enjoyed learning at home, and he is very teachable. The education itself is not an issue. But the separation anxiety we're struggling with right now needs to be resolved, and I think keeping him with me at home is only reinforcing it. So it's back to school we go, at least for now. And I get to spend another year devoting more time to my precious little daughter. I reserve the right to revisit homeschool at the end of the year. But if he's still in love with school, then I will find a way to keep him there.

So, that being said, I now have to change the name of the blog. Because keeping a captain's log of our journey, short though it was, has been fun and I don't plan to stop. And begin suggestions...now!

Don't Blink

To the parents at Starbucks with their young son,

You guys seem like nice people. Your one-year-old son is adorable and well-behaved, and enjoyed quietly running around the tables and waving to other patrons. I kinda wanted to pick him up and squish his cheeks.

I understand what your life is like right now. You're tired. So extremely tired. You're wondering if you're ever going to get a decent night's sleep again. (The answer is no, by the way.) You're tired of mashing food, of filling bottles or nursing, and you're loving your child immeasurably, but missing how simple life used to be. But this tiny life is incredible and makes it all worth while. And you guys are doing a great job.

But here's the deal. I know you're tired, and the only thing you really want sometimes is a break. And there are times for that. But that time is not in the middle of Starbucks at 9:30 at night, sucking up the free WiFi while your baby tries desperately to play with you. He's too little right now to realize how checked out you are, but soon he's going to get it. He's going to realize that whatever you're doing with your handheld gizmo is more interesting, more important, and more gratifying to you than spending time with him.

You know how people say that kids grow up so fast. All you do is blink and they're grown? It's true. So in the words of my favorite Doctor, Don't blink. If you blink, you'll miss it. And guess what. You're missing it. While you sit there on your "smart" phone, you're missing it. While you check Facebook, you're missing it. While you play Angry Birds, you're missing it. While you watch "Real Housewives of Instanbul," you're missing it. Turn off the distractions. They're distracting you from what matters. And we all do it. I'm just as guilty as you are. But I'm realizing that the things you learn about your kids while you're checked in beats the heck out of whatever Haz Cheeseburger Cat is doing.

Your son is only going to want to play peek-a-boo for a breath of time, and then all you'll have are memories. Unless you're too busy being distracted, and then you'll have nothing. Be present, sweet parents. Because this happens too fast to be anything but.

Going all Katniss on the Bullseye

Only two posts this week. Really there's been nothing exciting happening. We did very little schoolwork this week, which I felt bad about, but then my husband reminded me it's still summer. Technically, I don't have to do anything right now. And I'm throwing a baby shower on Sunday, so why stress out about school right now? Next week we'll get back to the routine.

I do have something to gripe about (gasp! quelle surprise!)

I went to Target on Thursday with both children. Always an enjoyable experience, she says sarcastically. And I encountered this, the bane of my existence:

Actually I bought pork chops. This image was ripped off from Target Savers, but you get the idea. 

Big Red Sale Sticker.

Now if you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you know I love a sale. In an unnatural way. So why is the Big Red Sale Sticker the plight of my shopping experience? Because with Target's meat, at least at my local Target, you're basically playing meat roulette. Will it or will it not be fit for human consumption? And then I have to call my sainted mother, oracle for all that is spoiled, and make her sniff my meat. Try saying that with a straight face. And in this particular instance, the aforementioned pork was slimy. Fabulous. Which required another trip to Target to return the pork chops AND a watermelon quarter that also bore the dreaded Big Red Sale Sticker and was also spoiled. Again with the two children in tow.

Now, I have been enamored with Target since they first came to my city over ten years ago. I have been a faithful worshiper at the altar of the Bullseye up to this point, but this is not the first time I've had to scrap my dinner plans because Target sold me maggot food. So to say I've been underwhelmed lately would be an understatement.

My sainted mother left this little nugget on my Facebook page last week, knowing full well that it would make me crazy. She's mean like that, and wants to see just how granola I really am. These brave people are spending a year without groceries, which gets my brain hamster running because I'm a food snob and hate prepackaged food. I also love farms and making things myself. And now Target has pissed me off, so what's a mom to do? I'm also considering having all my food and groceries delivered because I'm lazy and my giant vehicle gets 12 miles to the gallon. And the UPS man is hot.

Art Project Hatched!

Well, our weekend was packed full of festivities. I hope everyone had a happy fourth and still has all their fingers and eyebrows. In stark contrast, our beginning of the week has been full of snarky attitudes and bitchery. And it's not just me, for a change! Consequently, we have gotten very little accomplished, and I have abandoned Daddy in the evenings to drown my sorrows at Starbucks. Their tea is cheap. Don't judge me. Hence, no blog posts until today when I finally have something good to write about.

Drum roll, please... We finally completed the paint-filled egg and canvas project! Ta da! If you'll recall, it was first promised on July 1st. I like to build suspense. Actually, we had quite a few days of cruddy weather, or the weather was good but I had cruddy children. So arming them with tempera paint seemed foolhardy. 

First, the photos:

Daddy attempting to explain

I used brown eggs, which usually have a harder shell than white eggs. The little people had difficulty throwing them hard enough to break them.

(Please ignore the finger over the camera lens.)

So Mom and Dad got in on the action, you know, so one day we'd be finished. It was a good time, but not something I'd do again because it was time consuming getting all those eggs cracked open, and cleanup was a pain. In fact, the yard is still covered in paint. Which the dog found. And turned into performance art. Yeah.

Eventually the paint did make it onto the canvas.

Fin.

OBG-Why?-N

You know when your day starts at the OBGYN, it's going to be a long day. And the sad thing is, that was really the best part of my day. My doctor even hugged me. It was a moment. I think he just felt sorry for me. And it's nice to finally be at the age where the nurse doesn't feel the need to explain in detail how to produce a clean urine sample. I know my way around a towelette, thank you very much. But I probably will get lost on my way to the paper-covered table and walk around with my urine cup like I'm making a toast.

This week's math assignments are totally done, thanks to the efforts of the lovely and talented Gigi who watched my kids this morning. And thinking skills assignments are done due to the stark realization that Mommy is really not going to give the toys back unless we're good. I've had some minor health issues that have turned out to be nothing major, just my body being a freak, but it's been a stressful couple of months. Health problems make me want to strangle. And you know what else makes me want to strangle? Tiny whiners. And big whiners, really, but the tiny ones are what I usually get. And, man, they were going to town today.

Our exciting egg-throwing adventure I promised you yesterday has been postponed until tomorrow due to a toddler falling asleep while coloring at the table and waiting for her dinner. She did eventually wake up to eat.

Two Days, One Post

I hate posting a day late. I can't ever remember what we did. I know we breezed through 10 out of 11 of his weekly reading pages, played with his tiny 3D torso puzzle, read his science book, lost his television privileges, did math problems with Inchimals, and played with this:

Skwooshi!

It's like Play-Doh that doesn't dry out and is less messy. It doesn't stick to stuff. They had lots of fun. Another great activity that came with his Timberdoodle curriculum. Speaking of which, all Timberdoodle complete curriculum is on sale this week for July 4th. I'm sincerely mad that I jumped the gun and ordered early. I could have waited and saved over a hundred bucks. Live and learn.

Today, however, we have done next to nothing. Everyone woke up with upset stomachs. Apparently when small people don't eat enough the night before, they wake up ravenously hungry and with hurting stomachs. So I was on vomit watch all morning and couldn't sneak away to get a shower until the end of Sesame Street. And then it was lunch time. So they are playing, putting train tracks together, taking pretend naps (my kids are weird), and losing their television privileges for the whole week as punishment for being disrespectful. Momma don't play. So it's going to be a very long week.

Fortunately, we have this to do tonight:

Let me explain.

This is a carton of eggs that my husband and I carefully and tediously cracked open on the ends and saved every time we made eggs. This only took us about a week. We eat a LOT of eggs. I rinsed them with a little soapy water and let them dry. Now they are filled with tempera paint and covered by glue-sticking a little tissue paper over the opening. Here's the blog  I swiped the idea from. Be advised, her pictures are WAY better than mine. I blame my outdated phone. 

Anyway, tonight we are taking the eggs into the yard and hurling them at a big canvas that was given to me. I've been waiting for something really great to do with it, since it's not every day someone (my sister) just up and gives you a large canvas. Photos of this hilarity will be in tomorrow's post. Stay tuned...